Different Look On The World Today

So,

Is there any point writing any of this down?

Night

I think subconsciously, we all have a game plan.

Life works better that way. Through Darwinism we know that the human psyche was developed in order to keep us alive; a crucial part of that is through balancing our emotions so we are mentally stable and thus medically "happy". So undeniably, I am right... Which begs the question of whether people can truly be selfless?

Just thought I'd pose that question on you while I had the chance. Now, to my actual point.

I think subconsciously, we all have a game plan.

The whole "American Dream" doesn't sound so appealing so people can do it for thrills. People thrive towards happiness, like moths to a flame. The more desperate the people, the bigger the fire. And as you all know, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burnt. Maybe a small price to pay for "happiness". The more successful people out there avoid the fire, they're already glowing and any sort of spark could ignite all the fuel until they're drained.

So, which one are you? The false hope, or the ignorant rich? By not considering the option is neither probably means you've already decided.

I speak from hypocrisy, as so much of our race does. It's insane how we all manage to live taking advice from people whom it didn't work for in the first place. Doesn't that just boggle your mind? Of course it doesn't, I'm trying to question billions of years of evolutionary growth, I've already lost.

So I'm gonna stop preaching, stop fighting human nature. I've lost, I was wrong. I know that people do what they want because they secretly have a game plan. Everyone is thriving towards happiness, they'll do whatever it takes to get there. If you don't succeed, then you only have yourselves to blame. Other people may set you back; knock you down. But really, they're just trying they're hardest to be "happy". They're the exact same as you; and if you don't do anything to overcome it, then it's your own stupid fault. The sooner you figure that one out the better.

Oh, and you can still blame human error; like if a doctor accidental kills you're wife; or some bad business advice turns out sour. But then you're arguing with human nature, which I just proved to be law; so you really are screwed.

That's my hypocritical advice anyway.

I been doing a lot of stupid things recently. No surprise, I said I was going to early this year. The things that keeps me smiling is I didn't actively follow my own advice. I didn't consciously set about taking risks, I just did. More times than not, they seem to end in complete embarrassment; much to my dismay, but then again, it does teach you the art of laughing at yourself.

Truth is, you can remove any stain if you wash it enough. It'll take a lot of time, water and patience to do it, but you'll come out clean.

I've cleansed myself somehow. But I don't want to know how... It's a weirdly satisfying feeling not knowing. I fear if I find out, I'll leave skid marks. Facing your fears isn't always wise; especially if it's a fear of deadly snaked. But I've decided to pursue some things I've always said I'll accomplished, but never did anything about it. Today's a better chance than any other day, so why not? As I said:

Subconsciously everyone has a game plan.
Subconsciously, if you read things enough, you'll believe it ;)

I don't think LJ is very healthy sometimes. Will see you guys soon. Man, I should go to bed. Night x

I've had writers block. Have done for sometime. I've been slipping in and out of mind states, I never seem to find a good time to write... In fact, I actually can never find the words to write. Nothing flows. I find it annoying how as I mature, I lose a talent I learnt to love not so long ago.

Then again, was I ever good at it?

But a year can change a lot of things. You always look back and wonder what was and who was. You see yourself as different. Different friends, different place. You must be different, right? That depends. Do you think yourself as different? That'll be your first mistake anyway. You cannot notice yourself change, it doesn't work that way. People can't actively change, you can't deny yourself who you are.

My first year has been one hell of a roller-coaster. I had my ups, my downs, my mistakes and my taken risks. All in all, I wouldn't of had it any other way. I revealed some of the dirtiest things about me, and came off clean. I put my soul trust in so many people and was rewarded. I came to resent how I acted in the past, how I was so stupid. But then again, you do learn from your mistakes.

I learnt not to try and change myself, as it would be wrong of me to deny who I could become. I learnt that the people who actually want to know what is wrong, really do; and regardless, will actually still be there after. I learnt that the philosophy of "Fuck it" is actually a stroke of genius.

I leave for Paris in 2 days. Just for a holiday with mates. We left our parents horrified when we told them we booked it. A couple of us especially, as we were all overdrawn. But really: Fuck it, we're young, and uni... lets live a little and enjoy it.

It wasn't until someone pointed out how much of an idiot I was really being to realize that I was still living life to a great potential; I just shadow it soo much but mind-noise, that I miss all these opportunities. It was such a great lesson to learn.

So I end this post on a high, as my first year might not have change who I am as a person. What it has done is change my outlook on life and how I see the World... It's that, which could eventually lead me to where I want to be :)

Shall be seeing you guys in the summer!

1 - Most hated food.
Mushrooms

2 - Most Hated person.
The Pope

3 - Most hated job.
Lab Reports

4 - Most hated city.
Cardiff

5 - Most hated band/song.
Lily Allen

6 - Most hated website.
MegaVideo... Fucking 72min limit.

7 - Most hated TV program.
Big Brother

9 - Most hated British politician.
Alex Salmond... SNP can Fuck Right Off

10 - Most hated artist.
Piet Mondrian... Getting rich for drawing squares? Uuurm, what!?

11 - Most hated book.
Twilight

12 - Most hated shop.
Primark... Evil place

13 - Most hated organisation.
Scientology

14 - Most hated historical event.
Deceleration of Independence... Who cares, stop fucking celebrating. If we'd known this was gonna happen, we would have just let you have it.

15 - Most hated sport.
Show Jumping... It's not a sport

16 - Most hated technology.
Sat Nav

17 - Most hated annual event.
Big Brother...? (Or Val. Day)

18 - Most hated daily task.
Shaving

19 - Most hated comedian.
Jo brand

20 - Most hated actor/actress
Nicolas Cage (Yes I added my own one... Shutup)

Note
General rule of going out: The night doesn't end until you go to bed.

How to spend a Friday night:
Leave at 6:45pm
Get a train to Glasgow
Get a taxi to gig venue
Get a beer (or 2) at a ridiculous price
Get close to front
Watch the amazing Joshua Radin set
Leave early to catch train
Fuck the train, return to watch rest of gig
Miss last train home
Buy a souvenir CD + Poster
Meet Joshua Radin in the flesh and get autographs
Ask barman for good pub
Get lost in Glasgow
Ask everyone for a cheap bar
Eventually find a bar after following police for a while
Don't get ID'd, score!
Buy ridiculously expensive double vodka black
Change to bar across street
Buy slightly cheaper double vodka black
Be nice to barman and get a triple for a double
Find comfy seats
Steal someone's glass of wine
Start drinking wine and shots
Get kicked out of bar, very wasted
Wonder to a chippy
Get angry at Glaswegians not having chippy sauce!
Chips, cheese and mayo... Tastes amazing
Buy a cowboy hat for 20p
Sign up to a casino
Blow the £10 free play on one bet
Buy more ridiculously expensive vodka blacks
Fall asleep in casino
Get taxi to train station
Find out night out in Glasgow was more expensive than the taxi home
Wait outside until train station is open
Try to understand a heavily accented, drunken tramp
Befriend the tramp by giving him cigarettes
Watch as tramp picks a fight with every passer by
Enter train station and warm up dramatically
Sleep on train station bench
Sleep on train
Get woken up by train instructor
Buy new ticket home; old one's expired
Watch sun-rise
Get taxi home
Bed at 7:30am
Sleep

I mean, at least that way, you'll get to say you did it ;)

Life is funny.

Whether you laugh or not, it doesn't change this. Life seems to have a funny sense of humour; irony mostly. Makes me wonder why people, myself especially, can be down so much. I only seem to feel guilt afterwards, unappreciative to what I really have.

I can't help to continue to exam myself as a person. Looking into the mirror to see the person I am, while searching my heart for the person I want to be. The battle between the two continues, sometimes I am close, others, I'm worlds apart. The main thing that leaves me smiling is the knowledge that I am slowly winning. One smile, tear, broken-heart at a time. I am just glad I keep making more friends along the way; many of which changing my life without even realizing. I thank them, even if from afar.

Life is fast.

You spend half your life trying to find something to do with the time you've spent the other half wishing you had. Sometimes taking a step back to just admire it all could be the best time you could spend. It is for me anyway. I spend a lot of my time trying to build up the courage to use my time more wisely. Strangely, I'm having the time of my life. I said life was ironic.

I think the point I am trying to make is that I don't understand life. No-one can. People spend entire lifetimes trying to, but inevitably only seem to be wasting their lives away. I look at people like this and I promise myself to never become one of them. And as much as I personally try to return the favour to people who already do, I can only sigh at their ignorance. My mirror has recently become my friend, after a very long time. For once, I might just follow my instincts.

I think I might just go and do something stupid... Probably the smartest thing I'll ever do.

Have a good day :) Lids x

Another dull day in paradise.

Woke up to a knock at the door; alarm didn't feel like working this morning. Looking over, bucket filled with sick, room is a state... The gap in my memory was all I could focus on. Surprisingly, I felt good. Bouncy in fact. After taking the walk to the shower, realizing the power cut I was just informed about currently causes the shower room to be pitch black, I accepted the greasy hair for the day.

Phone is text-free yet again. The spark that once was seems to have blown a fuse while the twinkle in my eyes have faded to a dull haze. Couldn't help to sigh, but maybe just rely on fate for this one. Who knows?

Chemistry was hard. The room kept spinning, constantly. I was focussing on staying awake and not puking more than anything else. Friend has recovered though, perked me up slightly. After, maths tutorial was more like school for geeks. Quite enjoyed it, of course :P Hung out with Northern Irish friend called Paul. Good lad.

Sun-rise when walking home made me smile and forget my symptoms. Cold seems to be fighting hard today. I take for granted where I am, until something as picturesque as that helps me see what I really have. Music on the way back was good and happy for once. Could tell today was going to be alright after all.

Stories of the night before begin to flow. Memory gaps are being filled. Tales of an angry version of myself only embarrasses me. Reminiscing about Frosty Jacks and apologies to people we kept up. Laugher echoes through the halls, shadowing the complaints of rejection that seemed to occupy conversation the night before. Bad night, good morning after :) Stu seems happier; I hope he realize how nice a guy he actually is one day. Can't help to envy him from time to time.. Glad I met him.

Long walk to the shops gave me the time I wanted. Sun was low; puts a glow on the Old Town. Reminds me of Oxford... It's good to feel like home. Wherever I may be. Stupidly forgetting CV's and vouchers; trip was pointless. Walk home, happier music seemed to flow better. A cheeky smile on my face with a cool breeze through my hair. Falling back in love with where I am.

Returned to a trashed room. Forgetful of this fact. Turns out I had been room raided while I was sleeping, in which a quest for something didn't involve tidying up. Bastards. Funny stories helped make it less annoying. Still seems creepy!

Time was spent with Peeps today. Haven't really spent a lot of time recently with her. It was nice. Maybe re-ignited the BFF thing we had going a while back. Then again, doubt it ever really disappeared. That girl is pretty amazing when you think about all that she does. Watched some pretty awful films; at least the banter was good.

Dinner was actually edible. Then again, I chose pizza, which was so much better than normal. I got very excited about a potential food fight I might well just organise. Turning my plans into future war stories seemed to make everyone laugh. Glad I haven't lost my touch or my struggle to make people smile.

Did research on Summer holiday which is now planned. Disneyland with a day/night in Paris sounds perfect. A good hour spent laughing over hotel shopping... My god, they're are some horrific places; raping doesn't seem uncommon at a few! But the Morocco themed place with a bed in the hallway; as rated by the Australian guy definitely seemed welcoming. £250 well spent I feel.

Settling down after. Having a wee chat with some mates before the sleep catch up; I write some meaningless dribble for a while. Reflect, laugh, smile. Didn't quite expect today; even if a typical day.

Today I read: Change the way you think and you change your World.

Another dull day in paradise. I liked it.

Lids x :)

Being home, life has slowed down... It's been good to detox. Just relax from it all. Unwind. Though I find myself missing where I've just left; I feel guilty that I do. It's like home isn't good enough any more. Is that wrong of me? Maybe it's the adjustment from one lifestyle to the next.

I was told that the years I spend at university is some of the best I will ever spend. It saddens me to think that I'm at the peek of my life if that's true. I'd hoped that life got better as you got more experience, confidence and wisdom. Perhaps it doesn't; it's probably best not to dwell.

I have so much I want to do and seem to have so much time to achieve it. It wasn't until 3 months seemed to disappear that I began to worry... I have things I want to do when I get back: Get a job, improve my fitness, perhaps ask a girl (or two) out. I wonder how long it'll be until that time runs out as well. Leaving me to possibly my greatest fear:

Am I just wasting my life away?

The worse thing, is that I'll know the answer to that question. But this is where Uni has been one of the best changes for me; because I've been given the opportunity to seize the opportunity I have around me with such ease. Given such a fresh start, I didn't have to look for opportunity, it was already there. I just hope that after it's gone, I still have a thirst to pursue it.

I ask myself the question is home really is here any more. It's strange how alien you feel to a place you've lived your whole life when you move to place you now feel more at home in. I guess that's my answer... Guess I really have left home.


Anyways, on other notes: I haven't seen you guys is AGES! I really fancy a few days/nights out. However, I am £55 in the red at the moment, so even the cinema seems expensive to me. If anyone has any ideas, give us a comment of a text, get something sorted... Can have an old school gathering! But for now, have a good holiday, Lids!

I'm making a post... Shocking! But probs gonna kick off with some thinkings then some updatedness. Sound alright? Cool:


I think Fight Club got it right with the question; "If you wake up in a different place, on a different day; are you a different person?" It's strange to think; because you should be the same. But I have found myself waking up to a new room, everyday for the last 3 months; different walls, different friends, different priorities... It begs the question: How could I not be different?

But I'm still the same. Still love to make people smile and laugh; still have that compassion for everyone, still have those tiny insecurities (Even if they have grown to be a lot smaller), still get my emo relapses when things build up, still annoying, still me more or less. I have grown confident and found myself speaking a wee bit differently. I drink more, socialize more, see my friends LOTS more. I am living a separate life.

I came to uni to change; but looked at where I was, to find that I was still me. Because to change who I am, would have been a lie to myself. In the grand scheme of things, I've been the one who has stayed the same; everything around me is different. To tell you the truth; even though I have yet to settle fully, I seem to have found my place.

To answer the question; I think you will always remain who you are if you stay faithful to yourself. I think you constantly evolve. I haven't woken up a new person, I've just woken up with new eyes. And to tell you the truth, I love 'em.

There's a fine line between being who you want to be and wanting to be who you are. I guess I've just chosen my side.

Updatedness:

Right! To start with, I have an exam in less than 24hours for Chemistry! I have revised, so don't worry. I also have another 2 exams, which I haven't revised for in the next week. Still, I am calm... ish. So yes, LJ is helping.

Everyone is talking about flats both at uni and you guys. I have a flat, between me, Ross and Stuart. Though Stuart did get into talks with his mates from home about sharing; but Ross and I are hoping he;s gonna stick with us. Alice (Peeps), Catriona (Treen) and Vicky are gonna be sharing about 5 mins away with a girl called Catlin. Seeming Vicky is a chef, we're gonna go around their's a lot.

I finished my lecture just over a week ago. But we do exams now, rather than next semester; which is good, because we get a longer summer! Summer 2009 will be spent with Peeps, Stu and Ross at DisneyLand. We are excited!! Then working shit loads cos we're all poor; then up to the flat for August and the Edinburgh Fest on the Fringe. Gonna be awesome!

Courses:
Chemistry is good. Got 2 halves to it, so 2 exams. I like it that way, settles you in better. Because Scotland is an extra year, the first year is more basic than most English uni's; so it makes being a fresher a lot better! Looking forward to next semester; because I go from 5 9am starts to 4! Yay for lie in!

ODL and Geology were pretty crap. ODL (Origins and Diversity of Life) is my Biology elective, because it was the only one Medicinal Chemists could atcually do. It's all to do with genes and evolution basically; fuck all to do with my Chemistry (ie: Chemistry of human systems). Next semester should be better, because I am doing Medical Biology (Ace!) which has no labs (Cos Bio labs are actually shit!!!) and a project which is about medicines for disease immunology! Catriona is taking that as well; which is great!

Geology (Earth Dynamics) was pretty appalling. I did like the last 3 lecturers; because they were all Chemistry work; which was what I wanted to study Geo-wise in the first place. The first 5 were so boring that did lose the plot quite early on. It didn't help that labs were boring; but last lab party shesh did make up for it. Made some awesome friends from it mind you. In it's place I am taking Applicable Statistics (My mandatory Maths course... Which I was allowed to drop due to getting C in F/Maths, but I couldn't pass up taking an exam where I could get roughly 65% without going to a single lecture!!)


Societies:
Squash has gone downhill from my sheer laziness. Hopefully I'll pick it up again. I think after my 9-0 thrash from the seeded #1 Edinburgh uni female; I lost a lot of confidence/will to live! But dw, I'll cain it up the league soon enough!

Snowsports is still a no show for the actual sports side, cos tis pricey. But Will be going every week next semester, hopefully to buy my own board and gear by the end of the 2009 and to get onto the racing team. Otherwise, I've gone to every social and have been crowned the single fastest strawpedoer the society has! I won 2 free drinks for it and a mention in the newsletter :P Got loads and loads of mates from there. One called Nick who is also the best dancer in the society and won Champagne!

Fresh Air radio!! Woop! Did my last show on Saturday! It's going well, I've been nominated for best newcomer by the head of advertising, HP. I am actually quite astonished! But Becky and I have been trying to make it as best as possible, and it's starting to sound quite professional. Will be back semester 2; hopefully at the same time; I'll keep you updated and please listen/email in, in would mean the world to me!


Got a great little story about a Friday where me and Stu met these 3 bands who have just been on a national tour, and are now our sort of mates; but it is uber long, so give me a shout when I'm back home. I will be back in the early evening of Friday 19th! One of the last back, but I do get a week off after exams, where I get a silent disco, Christmas party, go back to Stu's house, bit of Wednesday night student raving and the lot. Look forward to it. But will be in The Oak on that Friday, so pop down, say hi, and save me from killing myself because drinks are so fucking expensive! (I mean, in a pub here it's between £2-£2.30 for a Strongbow. Union is £1.70 and clubs are £1.50. On Quids night at the pub next to halls, it's £1!)

Best club is Massa here. Cav is quite close behind. Check them out if you're up. Cab Vol is great after social club, cos it's free entry and fucking class music! Crags is the best pub. 2mins away, and Peeps works there; with a massive cinema thing for sports! Catered food is still pretty shocking, but I wouldn't live any other way for first year, cos it's just way too perfect settings. My room does still have my amazing view of Arther's Seat; and climbing the seat just before sunset is still breath-taking! We all shop at Tesco; just down the road. Baguette to go is £2 for a foot long sub. 2 fillings, unlimited salad... Amazing! Scotland is in excess of iron bru, which is top form, cos I love the stuff (You have to try all the stuff up here, it's amazing!!) We have Winter Wonderland (Basically the Edinburgh's version of London's) which is amazing, with a big outdoor ice rink as well. Good for our Secret Santa atm! It is colder and windier; but also sunnier than Didcot. It also get darker about 30-40 minutes earlier! I'm still called Lids to my good mates and Rico to the rest. Lids-Babes is common from Stu-Babes and Ross-Babes (Long story) Dic just seems soooo weird! Even though Rachel N still says hello a lot and still called me Dic (As do her mates! Like guy called James who is exactly like JonnyP. I have arranged to do the Blues Brothers with James next semester during refresher's week!) Turner house, or T-Unit is still officially the bets halls in Edinburgh, YES!

Relationship wise: Peeps has a bf called Mark. He's quite quiet around us 3 guys... But we haven't really met him many times, so shall see. Me, Stu and Ross are still single; even though Stuart and this girl Megan should blatantly be a couple... After certain nights :P There is this girl called Vicky (different to the one mentioned before), but they were just a couple of drunken sparks and she lives a few mins away on the train. I guess I'll see til after Xmas. Btw, Check out Facebook for pictures of all the people I'm talking about. Must be hard to put names to faces.

I am deffinately waffling... I am sooo trying to revise right now :P

Oh yea! I have DJ training tonight!!! I am getting trained how to be a club DJ by mixing two songs together, creating remixes and mashups! That will be brilliant. Forgot about that, am well excited!

Just got a text from Khlo. He's coming up for Burns night weekend. Brilliant!! Gonna be great, big party that weekend. Also Stu's 18th b'day, so shall be a cracking weekend doing all of that. Scotland is big fan of Ceilidh's; which are sooo much fun to do; so deffo do one when you get the chance! Khlo, you're coming out for a drink with em and my mates one night, for sure! Oh yea, also, Edinburgh has the biggest Jack Wills in the world!! And Stu and I are really good mates with some of the full timers there. So could probs gets some discount...

Anyways, I've said almost EVERYTHING, so I shall probs clock off and get some revision done! Shall see you all soon, and good luck if you have exams. Remember, can always text and email me; I haven't chatting to you guys for a while, and I do actually miss you... Some of you.... Okay, well maybe Adam as well :P

Have a rave guys! Lids

Well, thought I'd prove that I'm alive by writing a post. Seeming I had a spare 20mins before me, Stu and Ross go shopping at Lidl; I'd fill you in on the stuff.

Basically I am called Lids. This is because on the first night, we got very lost and Sam goes: "Where the Hell are we?" and I very loudly and rather drunkenly respond: "Don't worry guys, I know where we are... We're near the Lidl!" So I got called Lidl; which everyone in Turner house has heard about, and now has been shortened to Lids.

To the lads on ground floor as well, I am known as El Rico... Which comes from what they call me when I'm "on the pull", which is quite amusing.


So I'm taking Chemistry, Biology and Geology. That's lectures and labs; with tutorials. Giving me a 21.5hour weeks worth of work. Happily though, I get less background reading. I am really enjoying it actually; Chemistry lecturer is a new Dr to the team, and is really good/funny.

It's my birthday in a few days, along with one of my best uni friend's, Peeps (Who is a girl, and yes Peeps is a nickname) which I deffo looking forward to. Lizzi is coming up and we're having a big joint party.

I have joined the Squash team; and got a cool few friends from that. Also joined the SnowSports club, and training to be on the team next year. Fancy that, Dic being sporty!

Anyways, I LOVE uni, and Edinburgh, and Turner House is basically the best house in the world... T-Unit! Which every year it is brilliantly named the party house... With this year being no change. I frikkin' love it.

SO got some friends from Scotland, The North, The West Country, USA, Germany and all over the place. So everyone I have met are pretty much really great people...

So I cannot complain. I love it here, and would love to stay here for the rest of my life; because I am having soooo much fun. Hope you guys are too; I just thought I'd post to let you guys know that I haven't drunk myself into a coma yet!

There are loads of Fresher's photos up, with me and my mates. So if you check them out, can see what's going on. Btw, the red glasses were from the Zane Lowe DJ set; which was AMAZING. (Oh, and it's rumored we're getting Pendulum for our Christmas Blow Out :D)

So have a good one guys.

PS: I'm going to be a DJ on the student radio show!

Now, the end is near; and so I face the final curtain... Wait, that seems strangely familiar? Nah

So off to Edinburgh I'll be departing then. Long way up; but what does distance matter? I mean, for people who can supposedly create black holes that slow time and supposedly can travel all the way to the moon, Edinburgh doesn't seem that long away to be fair. It's all relative :P

For those wondering I'll be staying in Pollock Halls (Awesome name, I know. Graffiti must be a bitch there) Only stupid rule is the no having a party without written permission, over 8 people, outside the pantry, past 10pm, on any day bar Friday. I mean, srly!? Chris has my actually address, so if you want to go with his cool idea, grab it from there... I might be in a coma by the time you want to ask me :P

Got a very early b'day pressie from my parents. xBox 360. I could have died from the sheer shock and excitement. It's awesome. Screw my Game Cube. I am sooo cool now :P But playing Guitar Hero while drunk will be a funny experience. Brother wasn't happy that I have one as well. Hehe.

Also, I have possible Glandular Fever. Have to wait til Sunday to see if symptoms persist. Which doesn't put me in good sted for uni (Or for lose my Man Slut title neither) So I have been feverish and ill for a while; but feeling better now. Probs the hormones from excitement helping... That and the antibiotics.

Just would like to wish you all good luck for the next year or 5. I shall be back at Christmas, so I hope to see you all down the pub then! (December 19th people!) And a great big Thank you for being great guys and making my years an awesome experience. Edinburgh has a lot to compete with (Well, mind you, £1.50 shots is a hard thing to be beaten as well :P)

See you soon guys. Have a great one!

Dic has left the Didcot... For a while at least. I am outta here!

Hey guys.

Seeming I'll be off on Saturday morning, I actually need to start saying goodbye people. That's a depressing thought.

Anyways...

If you want, I'll be having a nice drink down The Oak on Wednesday evening with hopefully everyone. Probably getting there 8:30ish. If you like me enough to miss me when I leave :P it would be nice if you popped along.

If not, I'll see you in the Summer I'm sure... I hope at least

Have a good one.

Emo alert:

I have no idea what to do with my life!?

Okay, now I have that off my chest...

I don't care, because I am going to University in a week! Yes, that's right, a week! I get to move away from Didcot, in one week. You have no idea how immensely relieving that feels... Well you do, but most of you have an extra week; so I kind of decided to beat you all to it, so you'll all just be copying my post (Yes, that logic works!)

Fresher's week is going to be a blast. Raving every night; with not a care for my Liver; which by the way is evil! There is a Lunch thing of Thursday called "Sushi, Sake and Sumo", which is a Sushi lunch, followed by Saki shots, then we all get to have massive sumo fights in those inflatable suits... I mean, what complete randomer thought of that. It's pure genius. Man, Fresher's is all about being as spontaneous as possible; I bloody well love it!


Then onwards with my 5 year degree. Yep, 5 years; I might as well be doing a Medical degree with that length (Actually, my degree is Medicinal. Which is basically Medical but with more money involved :P) I get a year in Industry in the middle, which is actually part of my course. Because I can either go to industry, or do that year in house (at the uni) So I though the trip to USA might do me good :)

And then once I finish, I could probably find that Chem was a waste of time, and I want to be a Storm Chaser, like in Twister (I mean, that's like one of the single coolest jobs I have EVER heard of) Or I could actually go on, become the first Dr Crispin (The first real one; My Hero is just a lie) and get a job, and be part of the ever expanding system I go on and on and on about because I watch The Matrix too much... Meh, we'll see


Emo note again:

I just killed a fly. I named him Steve. RIP Steve :P

That reminds me; in the Student Survival Guide we were all probably sent; made me chuckle:

52 Things to Do During Fresher's Week:

31. Buy a Plant - Call him Clive
32. Forget to water plant - RIP Clive

Bring out cactus Clive; haven't watered him in 7 years, still going well. Though, I always thought my cactus was female... Not sure why.


It's like I'm writing this post as if I'm on Acid. It's rather cool, and unlike me. I like it!

Going to Ikea tomorrow (Assuming tomorrow is Saturday) Which is actually the single greatest shop ever. I mean, they actually have the coolest crap I would never need. I could probably live and die in that shop. Hence why my parents have to come with me, and to quote my Father:

"We're coming for 3 reasons: You'll get lost driving to Milton Keynes again, because you are as bad as your Mother with navigating. You have the financial awareness of a squirrel; you'd just buy anything and everything you thought was remotely cool, and you'd be stuck sleeping on a giant cuddly Panda which is also a fridge, because you saw it before you got to the "Bedding section" and thirdly it's my money, and that Panda cost me £2000 you muppet!" and then we just had a swear-a-thon. Like we do. Me and my Dad have an interesting relationship!

Like the time, Rachel Lawrence came round and asks my dad:

Rachel: *To One's Father* So what are you doing today then?
Dad: Well, I was going to take Dic's Mother upstairs and give her a damn good rogering
Dic: Well, that's 2 minutes out of your life, what next?
*Rachel horrified*
Dic: Cya later Twat..
Dad: Wanker..

What's wrong with that?


I really should finish my Reading Festival post. It already has 5000 words, and I'm only on Saturday evening. Woops. Well have fun reading that one guys! It is actually really funny, and I loved it; it was an awesome weekend! Remember:

I HATE books;
But I LOVE Reading!


But I leave, in a sense of Philosophy:

Do you know those days when you get up and you just want to run; you don't care where, you just want to run? The run. Life's a challenge, push it to the limit.

What the Fuck have you done lately?

So, what next?

You may already know what you are doing, where you are going. Maybe to your delight or disappointment. Maybe you're still stuck in that unfamiliar land where you need to do something, anything; but can't quite figure out how.

Personally, I look at what I've achieved. I am proud of myself; those few times in life I can be. But what I have achieved doesn't just lie on paper. What I and you have really achieved is finishing this chapter of your life. You've battled through 2 hard years to get here; and 16 years to get there before that.
Think of the days when the world was against you, when times were hard and when luck wasn't with you; to then fight on to realize: You've made it.

Life was never set out to be easy; a lesson is life is to accept failure. It's said the World's most accomplished people are also the World's biggest failures. I find it healthy to have high expectations; but find it sad to see the disappointment when these aren't met. I found it hard to get to grips with failure; the hardest when the people around you desperately tried to convince me otherwise. The comfort I sought was in those who made me see that failure was only a step back, never a closed door.

You fight hard for your dreams, many times losing. The key to fighting is cunning, confidence and courage. The cunning to figure out how to win in the first place; the confidence to believe in yourself enough to win and the courage to get back up again when you've been knocked down.

But that's my advice. I stare at myself in the mirror; sometimes an unfamiliar face stares back. I look forward to my future; I hope it's as thrilling as I expected. But the time between the start of my future and my present leaves me in fear. The no man's land of my life; where I get a chance to say the things I forgot to say, do what I haven't and live my last few weeks to the max. I only seem to find myself in worry that my time is already lost. So maybe my advice isn't wise..

But it's yours to use at your disposal; take what you want and discard the rest. That's the beauty of advice: its freedom. I think it was said that you should be careful whose advice you take, but be patient with those who give it. So I hoped I helped in my 2 years. Even if in the slightest. I thank you for reading.

So keep living, keep fighting and never give up; it'll be worth it in the end.


For those interested I got AABC, and will be heading for the University of Edinburgh on September 14th :) Congrats to everyone who got what they wanted, and I hope those who didn't got things sorted. I am not leaving LJ; I hope to see you all before I leave.

Today is a new day.

What will you do with it? What is today worth? Will it be a day to remember or forget? Each new day is another day that you have the potential to do something amazing; something special with. Maybe it'll just be a regular day: get up, spend the day comfortable and sleep in the comfort that you have plenty days left to work with. After all, it is your day to spend your way. But just maybe, today might be the day. That one day...

A day is yours. But spend it wisely; you have no idea how many people are envious of the amount of time you have in your hands and how much possibility comes with that. In my opinion, you have a responsibility to make each day worth while. Whether it's a big thing, like taking your leap. Or maybe a small thing like telling someone you love them; though I find that can be a big thing to most nowadays. The point I want to make is that you have the power to use your one second-rate day to make someone else' or even make your own. Just be damned sure that when your head hits that pillow, you look back at that day and think: 'Today was a good day'. It doesn't have to be big.

Each day is important, whether you think it is or not. If you make the effort to make it better than you expected; then you will be rewarded. The best things in life require the hardest work to get. "Difficult is worth doing".

I think of things I could do with my day. But still, I feel as if I have wasted it; sat in my room, hoping for something, anything to happen. I hoped this would be a great summer; seeming this is one of the few I have left being free and care-free. I seem to do a lot of hoping; perhaps that's the problem. It seems as if I have drifted away from everything and everyone slightly. I noticed this greatly at the ball. But unfortunately, overshadowed by my own hypocrisy. But this wasn't really about me...

It's about you. This is your sign. This is your day. The day to do what you have to do. So go claim the day as your own and make it. What's stopping you?

Do something beautiful.


I dream a lot of jumping of an edge, surrounded by my friends. An easy metaphor to read; I just don't know what that leap is yet. I'm sure it'll reveal itself soon.

5 weeks, 3 days and 6 hours until I get a fresh start. I hope to use the time wisely. I hope you do to. Hope isn't all bad.

What if tonight was your last night?

Would you live it in silence? Or would you make it everything you wanted it to be? The time spent here, like we are, in this town is slowly coming to an end. A time to tie up lose ends and enjoy the short time left to the fullest.

Wouldn't you use the time wisely? Wouldn't you do everything you wished you had done before? Wouldn't you explore new friendships and relight old ones. Tell everyone how you feel; and make the most of everything that lay before you now and until the path darkens again.

Hopefully the dark path will be filled with lights from a party for me ;)

Tonight I am mildly dressed up, to meet old friends and new ones too. It's never too late to make new friends, new strengths or new memories. It's never too late to use the time wisely; make it everything you wanted and more. Time is relative after all :)

Just a thought. Reflection never has to be a sad time. So I sit here and smile; I hope you are to.

It's never too late. So have the greatest summers guys :)

There's a weight over me today. Something I have to say. Many unsung apologies; many shameful regrets. Today, I free myself:



Life will take you through infinite regrets. Today I lay all of mine before you; each one I am as sorry for as the next. Does this make me a different person confessing them? Does it make me changed? Does it make me free?

No. Because you are already free. Each day you are given the opportunity to make up for the mistakes you have made; the regrets you have scarred upon yourself, to change the life you might be leading to the life you want to lead. To be everything you want to be. To ask for forgiveness and change the world. But you must be the change you want to see in the world.

The question you have to ask is if you will be forgiven? Because being sorry is not the problem with regret; it is the seeking of forgiveness. That is today where I have taken a step back. I have shown you what I am sorry for; I have not said sorry. Not had to courage to make up for what I have done. It is this that leaves me empty.

But what I never shed light on, or display to you; is the lessons I have learned. I never write about the person I have become, the dreams I have, the things I believe. Because what you never see is how happy I am. How much I want to succeed. How much I want to inspire. How much possibility I see in everyone and everything. How much hope I have. How much I love.

What no-one ever sees in me is how much something small or something beautiful touches my soul and my heart; and when it does I see the whole world.

Because you can never see this from just words. You see this by living this journey with me. After all; it is the journey that makes the person... Isn't it?


Pure Inspiration

Just a quote:

"All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers"

This just made me feel like I could achieve the impossible. It made me genuinely smile. I think it deserves to be stored as a memory.

The last 2 days have been strange. A lot of voices speak up inside when all around is silent.

--

Holiday in a week!!! Those who want to go with my Dad to Gatwick (In a nice shiny BMW, with my Dad who's a legend... Not some scabby loser cruiser :P ) Speak up now!

Hmmm, I need a date for the ball tonight. Ah wells.

Anyways

I've been thinking; as I do. I have always wanted a life of travel. See the world; live the world. The problem with traveling is you're never in a place long enough to make old friendships from new ones, take in all it has to offer; truly live it.

Spending so much time at airports, train stations, bus stops; that they all seem to look the same in the end. I watch all the busy people rushing around; all the tall standing men & women in there expensive fitted suits, for some high powered job, always on the phone, walking faster than most. I always ask myself how important could they be, to be in such a rush? Everyone has a place to be. I often wonder if that'll be me 10 years down the line, with a place to go, seemingly wasting my life with work; not seeing, not living.

The road is long. But it's the journey that counts.

I look at people; people I could meet, or bump into on my travels. Filled with opportunity, meeting a stranger; a girl, to create something amazing. But once again, shattered by inevitability; as I sit there at the train station or airport, knowing that when the time calls, we'll get on separate trains and go different ways; never to speak again. A 30 minute romance, now a distant memory.

Just once, wanting to meet someone like me; unknowing where they are going, so goes everywhere... Someone who might go with me.

That's the beauty of home; always somewhere comfortable, where the things don't change and the people who I meet have already arrived; they're not departing. I'm so eager to leave home, that I may never see this. I think the reason is that home doesn't feel like home any more. It's lost it's warmth and comfort. It's just another stop on my journey. Just another airport or train station to me. But it's the friends here that make it worth staying. The ones that'll hopefully go with me, to wherever; because I'll never know when I need to people from my past to help with my future.

Today I realized the destination of my ever lasting journey. It is home. I've just got to find it first.

Until then; I've just got to take my chances. It doesn't take experience or wisdom to say what I just have. You see it everyday, when going to school or work; on holiday or shopping. If you ever found yourself waiting for the next stop at a train station, airport or bus stop, there'll always be that wonder. The "What If's". Personally, I like to think of it as the "Maybe's".

Perhaps that's just me

What If?

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.


Just food for thought.